Strengthen Your Bond with Your Child: The Power of Observation

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, do you sometimes feel you might be missing out on some important opportunities to bond with your child? There is always the constant never-ending to-do list: laundry, dinner, dishes, basic cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. For some families, especially those with two full-time working parents, finding time to truly bond with your young child can be difficult. 

However, there is so much we can learn about our children if we just take the time to master the art of mindfulness and observation. If we as parents can master these two things, even if it is only for a short time each day, we can create a deep, long-lasting bond with our children that will grow as they grow. 

How Mindfulness and Observation Play a Role in Bonding with Your Child

It can be so difficult to live in the moment sometimes. We are always thinking of the next step, the next goal, the next task. However, when it comes to raising our children, we sometimes both dread and celebrate each big milestone, whether it’s learning to walk, riding a bike, or growing into the next size of clothes. Time seems to fly by when raising children and sometimes if we aren’t careful, we might miss out on some of those smaller accomplishments. 

When we as parents take the time to be mindful and choose to observe our children we can learn the intricacies of their personality, interests, and development. Parents always know their children the best out of anyone else who has daily interaction with them. But there is something about being truly KNOWN by your parents that can be so comforting for a child and will further strengthen the bond you already have. Children whose parents want to completely know them for their unique individuality can build a deep bond of trust and love. 

Tips for Observing Your Child for Deeper Connection

It can sometimes feel unnatural to truly just observe your child. It might seem like you are spying on them or intruding on their personal space. However, true observation will often give you some great insights that will help you build a deep relationship with your child. 

Just Watch Them

This might seem obvious, but when you are truly trying to observe your child just to learn and understand them further, it is important to put away all distractions and truly focus. The TV should be turned off, the cellphone put down, and just watch. 

Sometimes it is really wonderful to take time and just watch what our children do when they are off playing on their own. To begin with, it is best to do this without any judgments about what they are doing or how they are doing it. Just enjoy watching and learning more about them. 

Try to Understand Their Goals and Skills

Taking a few minutes out of your day to observe your children can really help you understand their interests, goals, and skills. If your little one seems obsessed with learning a new puzzle or creating a complex structure with blocks, it can show you ways to connect with them in the future. Feel free to go join them in their activity if you have the desire to. It might be a great time to ask questions to learn even more!

When you spend some time fully devoted to observing your child, you might notice how detail-oriented they are, or how they can capture their imagination in one colorful drawing. These small noticings over time can build up to help you deeply know who your child is, what they enjoy, and what strengths they have. 

Notice Areas You Can Support in the Future

Another great opportunity arises when you take the time to observe your child. You get the chance to see areas you can help support them in the future. You can notice the challenges they are facing in their play, or new skills they are developing, and you can support them through that process. While you may not want to step in right away to support them unless they really need your help, it is possible to find a time at a later date to work on those cutting skills or practice some hand-eye coordination. 

Use What You Learned

Now that you’ve had a chance to observe and get to know some of the inner workings of your child, it’s time to put that information to good use! Find ways to interact with your child about the topics they enjoy. Ask them questions about their day or their friends. You’ll find that your children will be much more receptive to having a conversation with you if they notice that you are truly invested in what they have to say. 

Tips for Mindfulness for Deeper Connection

Mindfulness is a challenge for many people. With so much else going on, it can be really tough to put all your focus on one thing. But practicing mindfulness with our children affords us the opportunity to demonstrate how important our children are to us. Knowing that they are loved and valued further builds that foundation for a stronger child/parent bond. 

Just 10-15 minutes each day of mindfully interacting with your children can have a huge impact on your relationship with them. Here are some things to keep in mind when practicing mindfulness to build relationships. 

Put Away All Distractions

Put down that phone, book, newspaper, computer, magazine, etc, and just BE with your child. By putting away all distractions, you can fully engage in activity and conversation with your child. Also, when practicing mindfulness, it is not a good time to try to put a load of laundry away or clean up dinner. For this short amount of time, your sole attention should be on your children. 

Listen

Listening is an essential step to building a foundational relationship with your child. It is important that when you are talking with your child, you acknowledge their thoughts and opinions. Even the youngest children need to feel that they are heard. Instead of sharing your thoughts or opinions, ask your child questions to try to understand their perspective. 

Children who feel that their parents are good listeners are more likely to tell their parents important things in the future. That is why it is important to begin young and show your child you are worth sharing important personal thoughts, opinions, and feelings with. 

Find a Connection/ Common Ground

When trying to make a connection with your child, it isn’t a chance for you to take over the conversation. Sometimes parents will use the connections they build within a conversation with their child to overpower the child’s experiences and share their own. It is important to acknowledge your child’s viewpoint and make connections with them. If they are sharing about some struggles they are having with friends at school, it is important to acknowledge their struggles and work together to try to solve the problem. It is not the time to make the conversation about when you had problems with your friends in fourth grade. Most likely, it will not help solve your child’s problem and you just made the conversation about yourself. 

It can be difficult to make a connection with your child. You may have never experienced what they are sharing with you, but you can still find ways to share common ground. Show that you care by asking questions and having an open mind. Your child isn’t you so it can sometimes be hard to completely relate to what they are experiencing. Try your best and your child will thank you for your effort to relate to them. 

Changing Your Approach as Your Child Grows

The ways in which you interact with your child will grow and change with your children. The way you interact and observe with your 2-year-old is going to be much different than with your 12 or 15-year-old. Your 15-year-old might find it odd to find you watching them for an extended period of time. However, you can still find other ways to be present with them and get to know them. 

It is also important to realize that each and every child is different. With multiple children, it can be really tempting to compare them. Do your best to fight this urge and instead, get to know the uniqueness of each individual child. Your relationship and bond will change based on the needs of each child. 

Creating a Foundational Relationship for the Future

When using observation and mindfulness to create a bond with your child, you are setting a foundation for a healthy relationship in the future. Parents and children who can understand each other and have open communication are more likely to have stronger relationships over time. 

It’s never too late to try to build a better relationship with your child! Why not try to spend some uninterrupted time observing and mindfully interacting with them? Before you know it, they will be all grown up! Take any opportunity you can to build that lasting relationship.