The Most Important Thing When Teaching Your Kids Respect
We all want our children to be responsible, productive members of society as they grow older. Deep in my heart, I believe that parents don’t set out for their children to be rude or disrespectful to others. But it still happens. Kids can be very disrespectful. I have seen this time and time again during my time in the classroom. It always astonishes me that a six or seven-year-old could already show so much disrespect for themselves, adults, classmates, and property.
After getting to know these kids and their families throughout the year, I often noticed a pattern between how children interacted with the world around them and how respect is managed at home. Parents might not even think about it, but children are watching our every move and learning the idea of respect from us. That is why it is so important to remember that actions speak louder than words when teaching children the valuable life skill of respect.
You Can’t Teach Respect If You Don’t Practice Respect
One key part of teaching children respect is showing them what it looks like in daily life. I can’t tell you how often I meet a child who is quite disrespectful only to meet their parents and find that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
Young children especially do much of their early learning through observation, trial, and error. So if you are out to dinner and are unhappy with the service and decide to give the waiter a piece of your mind, your child is going to observe that and later try that tactic on someone else to see what happens.
I had to learn this the hard way with my daughter. One day, out of the blue, she started talking back to me in a very disrespectful manner. It wasn’t until I got past my initial surprise that I realized she was talking to me in the same way I would speak to her when I was frustrated. That was a huge slap to the face to realize that my daughter was learning how to be disrespectful to me because of how I talk to her. I’m usually a very respectful person and always think before speaking, but when I start losing patience with my kids, I just start barking orders. My daughter caught onto that and threw it right back in my face.
I am now much more conscious about showing how to be respectful even when I am starting to lose my cool. I am not perfect, but raising respectful children is important to me, and I know that kids learn best by example.
Parenting can really make a person consider some deep self-reflection. While not everything our child does directly reflects us or our parenting, it is something that every parent grapples with. So if you are noticing areas of disrespect from your child, take a moment to do some self-reflection. Showing how to be respectful in all situations is important for children to learn. Consider how you treat others when you are angry, frustrated, disappointed, or sad. Is this something you want to be reflected on your children? If not, it might be time to do some soul searching. Trust me, nobody is immune to slipping up every once in a while, but children need to see how a trusted adult handles challenging situations so they can start to work through those problems on their own.
Children Need to Know What Respect Feels Like
When a child is treated with disrespect at home, you can only imagine how they will translate that to their relationship with others. This doesn’t mean you have to give in to everything they demand. They are still children. Instead, create firm and consistent boundaries for your child while still showing them respect. Respect can be in the form of recognizing their feelings, giving them opportunities to make their own choices (when appropriate), and making them feel like an active part of the family.
When a child feels that they are respected and valued within a family, they feel comfortable enough to spread that respect and value to those around them. It builds their confidence to feel comfortable with who they are and what they are worth. Too often, children are rude or disrespectful to others because they have a poor self-image. Those that feel poorly about themselves want others to feel just as bad around them. However, those who are confident in who they are and their value at home have no need to put down others. They can instead focus on building them up.
Remember That They Are Still Kids
As I’ve touched on in other posts, our society constantly expects more and more from little children. We are putting adult expectations on littles, and the pressure can be overwhelming for most of them. So while we want our children to be respectful, we also have to realize that they are still children. They are still learning and growing each day. They are still working on testing boundaries and discovering who they are as an individual. So if a child is having a rough day, give them some grace. Giving grace is another example of respect, and we all could use a little more of it—especially children.
It is also important to realize that if your child seems disrespectful at times at home but is a perfect angel out in the community, that is actually a good sign. This means you have created a safe space for your child to test boundaries, learn, and discover without fear. If your child behaves worse at home than at daycare, that probably means you have already set a great foundation of respect at home. Your child might just feel more comfortable being themselves at home than elsewhere.
To bring this full circle, remember that teaching your child respect starts at home. By providing great examples of respect in your own home, children will take that knowledge and use it while at daycare, at a Grandparents house, or out and about. Don’t forget that children are always watching and learning from adults, so demonstrating respect for yourself, your spouse, your child, and others will give your child a firm foundation for building respectful relationships with others.